Hear that sound? It's Jamboree season again!

Folks who live near BF or GW may be hearing the telltale sound of tapping feet...it's Jamboree time again! It's the time of year when over 100 Ridgewood High School parents dance, show off their talent (some), make fools of themselves (others) and give remarkably of themselves (everyone) for the benefit of our students.

The shows are February 9th-12th at Ben Franklin Middle School Auditorium.

This is Jamboree's 65th year, and the theme is "That's Life"

All proceeds from Jamboree go to the Jamboree Scholarship program. The scholarships are distributed in the spring to deserving RHS students.

Tickets for reserved seats are available online at the Jamboree website (click here) or tickets may be available at the door. Parking is a challenge, so carpool to the shows!

(And yes, the Board of Ed will again have a small cameo in the performance...as further enticement to get you to come haha. That's always good for a laugh...or an eye-roll.)

Tiger Mother, burning bright.

Have you been following the “Tiger Mother” story all over the media over the past 10 days or so?

In a nutshell, a Yale law professor, Amy Chua, wrote a book (Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother) describing how she’s brought up her two daughters in the strict Chinese fashion that her own parents used. The original story in the Wall Street Journal – Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior – described a childhood with no playdates, not TV, no computer games and hours of music practice. Her daughters are not allowed to: attend a sleepover, be in a school play, choose their own extracurricular activities, get any grade less than an A, or not be the No. 1 student in every subject (except gym and drama). Mrs. Chua told about her priority to raise “successful” kids, often with “tough love” tactics. For example, the time her 4-year-old daughter brought her a homemade Birthday card and Mrs. Chua returned it, saying “I want a better one – one that you’ve put some thought and effort into … I deserve better than this. So I reject this.” Yikes!

Needless to say, mothers around the country reacted…and they were not supportive.

Mrs. Chua started going on the defensive, and tried to explain in a follow-up WSJ interview that she was telling about how she parented in the past, and now she has learned some lessons and is not so harsh. Her protestations were a little weak, if you ask me, and she really doesn’t apologize or regret those rules and tactics she used when her girls were younger.

I’ve read a few interesting responses to Mrs. Chua’s “tiger mother.” I recommend Jeff Yang of the San Francisco Chronicle’s SFGate, who wrote a column featuring stories of his own “crazy Asian mom” and his own interview with Mrs. Chua.

This past Sunday’s New York Times Magazine had a feature under The Way We Live Now header, titled “No More Mrs. Nice Mom,” in which author Judith Warner discussed the Tiger Mother and hit on some points that really resonated with me and the way I often describe the Ridgewood parents I encounter at HSA meetings and soccer sidelines. Ms. Warner writes,

The terror of losing ground is the ultimate driving force in the middle- and upper-middle-class American family today, and however unique Chua’s elaboration of it…however obnoxious and over the top her attempts to cope, she is hardly alone in believing that, in her carefully considered ministrations, she will find the perfect alchemy that will allow her to inoculate her kids against personal and professional misfortune.

Through all the iterations of Mommy madness, “good” and “bad,” this article of faith always remains intact: that parents can have control. Developmental neuroscientists may talk of genes and as-yet-undiscovered-and-hence-uncontrollable environmental factors that affect the developing fetus, social scientists may talk of socioeconomic background and the predictive power of parents’ level of education — the rest of us keep hope alive that parental actions, each and every moment of each and every better-lived day, have the ultimate ability to shape a child’s life outcome.

That, my friends, is the source of so much frustration here in Ridgewood (and undoubtedly elsewhere in other so-called affluent communities). We are in a strange time, as we parents start to acknowledge how our children are under so much pressure to succeed, that the college acceptance merry-go-round and the AP course race might be out of control, that the childhood resume-building could be unhealthy (you think?). Parents at our high school and middle school HSAs have been captivated by the movie Race to Nowhere, and have begun questioning the amount of homework kids receive or how many AP classes they really need to take.

At the same time, sometimes even in the same room (at the high school HSA meeting, for example), parents are strategizing and looking for the magic combination of courses and GPA and AP scores that will make their child most attractive to colleges. I’m still trying to understand the parents who commented in the District’s recent parent survey that they wished their 1st grade child had more homework, or wished that there were more history and science tests in 2nd grade. I have often commented and attributed some Ridgewood parents’ drive to this phenomenon described by Ms. Warner – the belief that every little decision parents make for their children, every teacher assignment, every single activity or project or sports team, etc. – will actually determine their child’s future success (and, presumably, earning power). It's crazy, if you ask me, but it's there all the time: If I do everything right, then everything for my child will work out OK. Don't you think that's just a bit conceited of us? And isn't history riddled with stories of perfectly good people who did all the right things and yet life doesn't work out so well for them?

We parents have got to reconcile this dichotomy. We can’t simultaneously decry the stress our kids are under while maneuvering to get the “right” extracurriculars onto their resume. We can’t say “give them less homework and fewer tests” and then turn around and complain that RHS is not ranked high enough in New Jersey Monthly magazine.

One thing this "tiger mother" story is bringing to light for Ridgewood parents is that we are all part of the problem and, thus, we all need to be part of the solution.

2010 Parent Survey Reports are online!

The 2010 Parent Survey Reports are online at the District website. Click here to download your school's report, or to see the complete district report. (Note: the surveys were really designed to be school-based, so while the district summary info is interesting, the most useful data will be at the school level.) I am looking forward to hearing what you think about the survey results.

Parents and teachers as partners.

As we're deep into the "Back to School night" season, here's a good article on how parents can partner with teachers for student success. Click here.

It's from a pretty good website I don't remember seeing before -- www.schoolfamily.com. There was quite a lot of good info, message boards, lots of tips from parents and teachers. Seems like a lively site. Parents, check it out.

Intriguing session on "invasive parenting."

The Municipal Alliances of Franklin Lakes, Oakland and Wyckoff are presenting an interesting session on Tuesday: A Nation of Wimps: the High Cost of Invasive Parenting. It's a conversation with the author Hara Estroff Marano.

According to the event flyer: "A Nation of Wimps is the first book to connect the dots between overparenting and the social crisis of the young. Marano focuses on the what and how of this crisis, then turns to what we can do about it. She offers guidance for being supportive without being overprotective and for preparing kids for the real world, along with alternative approaches to educating the young and tips on how to find balance between freedom and control."

Session will take place Tuesday October 20 at 8:00 p.m. at the Ramapo High School Auditorium.

Any thoughts on this intriguing concept? Do you ever struggle with knowing how much to help your kids, vs. when to let them struggle and possibly fail? I do.

Free program offers Parental Guidance (PG) for Teens

Wondering what teens in Ridgewood are up to these days? Looking for advice on how to talk to your teens about living a healthy, drug-free life? The Ridgewood Municipal Alliance Committee is offering Ridgewood parents and community members a 1-hour presentation called "PG: Parental Guidance for Teens" on September 21 at 7:00 p.m. at George Washington Middle School.

Information to be covered includes drug trends being seen here in Bergen County, symptoms and availability, and suggestions for how parents can answer tough questions teens might ask will be discussed in an interactive presentation, facilitated by Dee Debernardis of The Center for Alcohol and Drug Resources. The program is being offered by the Ridgewood Municipal Alliance Committee with funding from the New Jersey Governor’s Council on Alcoholism and Drug Abuse and the Ridgewood Municipal Alliance grant.

Questions or for more information call Ridgewood Parks and Recreation 201-670-5560.

Ridgewood parent involvement: the EARLY years

Live from the RHS HSA:
At tonight's meeting of the RHS HSA, incoming president Rola Baddoura just told a great story from Ridgewood's past.

In 1894, when the town decided to build a central school, there were two options under consideration by the three-member (three-MAN) board of education: an all-wood building for $35,000 or a brick building for $47,000. The board decided on the wood option, and a special meeting of voters approved the money-saving plan.

When the women of the town (who, by the way, did not have the right to vote) found out what the men had decided, they were outraged. How could their husbands agree to build a fire-prone wooden school, endangering their children? The mothers wanted the safer brick school. They organized, they argued and they made their case -- until the school board called a special meeting and the voters authorized the brick building. The brick school was built, and today is the Ed Center at Cottage Place. (An interesting footnote, after this victory, the women tried to get the voters to allow women to vote in school elections only. Not sure if that was successful.

(Another footnote, according to the Celebrating a Centennial history of Ridgewood): the controversy was enough to cause some of the outlying residents to withdraw from Ridgewood, rather than send their children all the way to the Beech Street school. Apparently this is why the southern boundary of Ridgewood is irregular.)

Rola described the brick school story as an early example of Ridgewood's tradition of parent involvement!

Ridgewood parents on Good Morning America tomorrow

Good Morning America is doing a story on "sexting." A group of GW parents met with some of the GW "teen angels," who taught the parents how to see what their kids are posting and how to find dangerous postings. The idea was to give parents help in starting a dialogue with their kids, to help them be safe with their cell phones and messaging. Click here for the story from the Bergen Record. And Watch GMA tomorrow!

The Parent Trap

Really interesting article in the Nov. 17 New Yorker about "overparenting." It's actually a review of several books...covering everything from the scam of Baby Einstein videos to overscheduled summers, competitive tutoring, elite sports camps and college application consultants. Check it out. Sounds like what I call the Merry-Go-Round. No one wants to jump off for fear that their child will miss out. But maybe all that concern means they're missing out on things like learning to think, solve problems, and deal with disappointment. Any thoughts? Click here for article.

A great idea at BF.

I've learned that BF is holding a "Snowball Social" in January -- a casual evening of dinner, dancing and fun for the parents of Benjamin Franklin Middle School students. Yay! Middle School is problematic for parents (understatement, huh?). Consider: it's normal that our kids start separating from us in middle school...it's normal that parents who were very involved at the elementary school will find fewer opportunities for involvement when their kids get to BF or GW. That's understandable...they're growing and maturing and they can't always do that if they think they're going to run into Mom or Dad in the hallways. HOWEVER, this natural separation from our kids results in parents becoming separated from each other. We lose our connections to other parents, so that by the time the kids get to high school, we know fewer and fewer other parents. The trouble is, middle school and high school are when we need those parental connections MORE. By the time the kids start driving or going to parties or whatever, even Ridgewood can seem like a mysterious black hole when our children leave the house on Friday or Saturday night. Having a strong (and large) network of parents gives us a chance to compare notes, find out things our children "forgot" to tell us, and alert each other to concerns or issues.

The funny thing is, when your kid gets to high school, there is a renewed effort to get parents involved -- band parents, sports boosters, HSA, Project Graduation -- but it's difficult to pull parents back in when that connection was lost during the middle school years.

So congratulations to BF for adding the Snowball Social -- a purely social event for parents to have fun together. (Too bad I'm not a middle school parent anymore, but oh well.)

P.S. I'm not neglecting GW! I'm just less familiar with the day-to-day over there -- if you are a GW parent and can share some info about parent involvement/socials at GW, please let me know so we can celebrate another great idea! (Something tells me I'm going to hear about some other middle school parent activities that I didn't know about -- bring it on and let's let people know!)