Race to Nowhere to be shown again Feb. 28; Producer will lead post-screening discussion

Nearly 600 Ridgewood parents turned out in December to view and discuss the educational documentary film, RACE TO NOWHERE. Additionally, the film was shown to the entire faculty at Ridgewood High School. The film’s producer, Vicki Abeles, followed the strong response from our community and has planned a visit to Ridgewood to continue the dialog. On February 28th at 7:00 PM at the Benjamin Franklin Auditorium, Vicki Abeles will host a screening of RACE TO NOWHERE and lead a discussion. All members of the community are invited, but according to a recent email from the RHS HSA, Ms. Abeles is most interested in hearing from RHS students. Parents are asked to encourage their teen children to attend.

Personally, I think the parents who most need to attend the screening are parents of elementary school children. The attitudes and practices that are criticized or questioned by the film are attitudes and practices that begin when children are in elementary school. By the time our kids are in high school, frankly, the damage has been done. (That's not to say certain aspects can't be "undone." It's never too late to chill out!)

Following is additional background on the film, from promotional materials:

Vicki Abeles, a concerned mother turned filmmaker, in RACE TO NOWHERE, aims her camera at the high-stakes, high-pressure culture that has invaded schools and the lives of children, creating unhealthy, disengaged and stressed-out youth. Featuring the stories of young people in all types of communities who have been pushed to the brink, educators who are burned out and worried that students aren’t developing the skills they need, and parents who are trying to do what’s best for their kids, RACE TO NOWHERE is a call to action to challenge current assumptions on how best to prepare the youth of America to become healthy, bright, and contributing citizens.

RACE TO NOWHERE examines what is happening to students as a result of current policies and practices that focus on testing, performance and competition rather than meaningful teaching and learning. The film gives voice to those who are most affected by education policies – the students and teachers themselves. The film empowers everyone to get involved and take ownership of what’s happening in our schools and communities.

Admission is free of charge.

Tiger Mother, burning bright.

Have you been following the “Tiger Mother” story all over the media over the past 10 days or so?

In a nutshell, a Yale law professor, Amy Chua, wrote a book (Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother) describing how she’s brought up her two daughters in the strict Chinese fashion that her own parents used. The original story in the Wall Street Journal – Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior – described a childhood with no playdates, not TV, no computer games and hours of music practice. Her daughters are not allowed to: attend a sleepover, be in a school play, choose their own extracurricular activities, get any grade less than an A, or not be the No. 1 student in every subject (except gym and drama). Mrs. Chua told about her priority to raise “successful” kids, often with “tough love” tactics. For example, the time her 4-year-old daughter brought her a homemade Birthday card and Mrs. Chua returned it, saying “I want a better one – one that you’ve put some thought and effort into … I deserve better than this. So I reject this.” Yikes!

Needless to say, mothers around the country reacted…and they were not supportive.

Mrs. Chua started going on the defensive, and tried to explain in a follow-up WSJ interview that she was telling about how she parented in the past, and now she has learned some lessons and is not so harsh. Her protestations were a little weak, if you ask me, and she really doesn’t apologize or regret those rules and tactics she used when her girls were younger.

I’ve read a few interesting responses to Mrs. Chua’s “tiger mother.” I recommend Jeff Yang of the San Francisco Chronicle’s SFGate, who wrote a column featuring stories of his own “crazy Asian mom” and his own interview with Mrs. Chua.

This past Sunday’s New York Times Magazine had a feature under The Way We Live Now header, titled “No More Mrs. Nice Mom,” in which author Judith Warner discussed the Tiger Mother and hit on some points that really resonated with me and the way I often describe the Ridgewood parents I encounter at HSA meetings and soccer sidelines. Ms. Warner writes,

The terror of losing ground is the ultimate driving force in the middle- and upper-middle-class American family today, and however unique Chua’s elaboration of it…however obnoxious and over the top her attempts to cope, she is hardly alone in believing that, in her carefully considered ministrations, she will find the perfect alchemy that will allow her to inoculate her kids against personal and professional misfortune.

Through all the iterations of Mommy madness, “good” and “bad,” this article of faith always remains intact: that parents can have control. Developmental neuroscientists may talk of genes and as-yet-undiscovered-and-hence-uncontrollable environmental factors that affect the developing fetus, social scientists may talk of socioeconomic background and the predictive power of parents’ level of education — the rest of us keep hope alive that parental actions, each and every moment of each and every better-lived day, have the ultimate ability to shape a child’s life outcome.

That, my friends, is the source of so much frustration here in Ridgewood (and undoubtedly elsewhere in other so-called affluent communities). We are in a strange time, as we parents start to acknowledge how our children are under so much pressure to succeed, that the college acceptance merry-go-round and the AP course race might be out of control, that the childhood resume-building could be unhealthy (you think?). Parents at our high school and middle school HSAs have been captivated by the movie Race to Nowhere, and have begun questioning the amount of homework kids receive or how many AP classes they really need to take.

At the same time, sometimes even in the same room (at the high school HSA meeting, for example), parents are strategizing and looking for the magic combination of courses and GPA and AP scores that will make their child most attractive to colleges. I’m still trying to understand the parents who commented in the District’s recent parent survey that they wished their 1st grade child had more homework, or wished that there were more history and science tests in 2nd grade. I have often commented and attributed some Ridgewood parents’ drive to this phenomenon described by Ms. Warner – the belief that every little decision parents make for their children, every teacher assignment, every single activity or project or sports team, etc. – will actually determine their child’s future success (and, presumably, earning power). It's crazy, if you ask me, but it's there all the time: If I do everything right, then everything for my child will work out OK. Don't you think that's just a bit conceited of us? And isn't history riddled with stories of perfectly good people who did all the right things and yet life doesn't work out so well for them?

We parents have got to reconcile this dichotomy. We can’t simultaneously decry the stress our kids are under while maneuvering to get the “right” extracurriculars onto their resume. We can’t say “give them less homework and fewer tests” and then turn around and complain that RHS is not ranked high enough in New Jersey Monthly magazine.

One thing this "tiger mother" story is bringing to light for Ridgewood parents is that we are all part of the problem and, thus, we all need to be part of the solution.